stories about nothing and everything

i can’t sleep.

just another ramble.

all day long, i have school and my awesome friends to keep my mind occupied. as long as everyone else is awake, i’m completely happy.

but eventually everyone else goes to sleep, so i get in my bed, and i remember all the people i miss.

my 2010 camp staff.
everyone that used to be there for me, but walked out of my life one by one.
my youth group as it was my junior year of high school.
youth group as it was 15 days ago.
my friends that went to other schools far away as soon as i moved home.
beth. oh goodness, beth.

i miss them. i ‘ache inside miss’ them. i don’t want to. i love them, but i wish i could just live with the fact that i either only see some of them at certain times of the year, or will never see some of them again. i feel like i’m complaining about all the awesome people i have with me right now when i miss all the others. which i’m of course not doing, but it feels that way. i don’t miss fall colors in summer, or hot weather in winter, the same way. how come i can’t feel the same way about ‘seasons’ when it comes to people as i do about those?^^^

i know everyone misses people. but not the way i do.

thinking back to a semi recent facebook note, where i said i love the way i love people? i lied. it sucks. loving people so hard just hurts. but as i said before, i don’t know any other way to be. i can either be ok with it, or be not ok with it, but either way, i’ll still be ‘with it’, so i may as well deal with it.(i told the ADD doctor this one day, he said it’s a very healthy philosophy for life and he’s amazed that i got that without any help. i laughed because i’m not that good at it, so it really doesn’t help much)


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