stories about school

that’s my everything.

as i’m once again listening to this song on repeat for another hour, i realized i hadn’t written about last week’s chapel which was my favorite all semester.
i’ve been learning about being weak. God keeps forcing me over and over again to realize that i’m helpless and inadequate. but He also is trying to get me to see that it’s ok. the whole 2 corinthians 12:9 deal.
last thursday we had an all worship chapel. no speaker, just singing. but the theme was worshiping by ‘lamenting’. in other words, worshiping when everything is falling apart and we’re ticked at God for bringing all this on us. it was the most perfect thing that happened all week.
we sang this song over and over for, i don’t even know how long. then i went back to my room and listened to it on repeat for 3 hours. and with each word, it’s like God cleared just a little more fog off the windshield of my heart. 
God does not need me. He can do this without me. i’ve been trying too hard to do it on my own. sure, i’m trying for the right reason, but i’m doing the wrong thing for those right reasons. see, God doesn’t want me to work my way up this hill on my own. instead, He wants me to trust Him to carry me. He wants my heart more than my hands. He doesn’t want my attempts to be good. He just wants me.
david crowder gets it.

Lord, i’m tired, so tired of walking, and Lord i’m so alone.
the dark is creeping in, creeping up to swallow me; i think i’ll stop and rest here awhile.
and this is all that i can say right now, and this is all that i can give: that’s my everything.
didn’t you see me crying? oh and did you hear me call your name?
wasn’t it you i gave my heart to? i wish you’d remember where you set it down.
and this is all that i can say right now, i know it’s not much, and this is all that i can give,
that’s my everything.
this is all that i can say right now, this is all that i can give: that’s my everything.

i didn’t notice you were standing here, i didn’t know that was you holding me.
i didn’t notice you were crying too, i didn’t know that that was you washing my feet.
and this is all, this is all that i can say right now, i know it’s not much, and this is all that i can give
yeah that’s my everything.
this is all that i can say right now, i know it’s not much, and this is all that i can give,
that’s my everything.
that’s my everything.
yeah that’s my everything.
everything.
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