note: 1. when i say turnover, i’m not talking about the kind with apples in it, or the kind where we’ve held off the north girls long enough to get the ball for ourselves and score on them again(i get super happy every time i think about that. sorry my yankee friends, i really do love yall.) 2. at 3 am, my trains of thought get really long. but if you’ve got some time, i ran into some good stuff on this train. you’ve been warned.
the other night(i think it was sunday), i had the weirdest dream ever, where it was graduation day here.(as in, may 2011)i’m not sure what the worst part of it was, the fact that the only people on the stage were the ones i know and will miss once they’re gone, or that i was somehow the only one in the audience so there was no one to hug me(graduations make me cry worse than other people cry at funerals), or just the reminder that things won’t ever be the same after that.
the only part i hated about youth group was the whole month of may. preparing for the end of the year, then finally having to say goodbye to the seniors, knowing that youth group as we knew it was over. sure, they always visit(we’re such a family, we don’t really lose touch, we just don’t see each other), but as life goes, it’s never the same. out with the old, in with the new, all that. it sucks.
i think that’s why my first year there was the best. i didn’t have anything to compare it to. i wasn’t able to say “remember when so and so did such and such on whatever retreat?” or anything like that.
so after i woke up, i started thinking about all the people that we’ll be losing in 6 months, whether i talk to them every day or just am used to seeing them around. and i thought, i really need to be reminding myself that they won’t be here forever. everything gets to change. we get all new freshmen to replace them. echoing my already too long reflections on north vs south being over, the sad part about saturday night was standing with my team, looking around at everyone, and trying to hold onto that feeling after we’d worked so hard for so long and finally won together, fixing the moment in my head as hard as i could, knowing i would never be playing this game with these people again. half our team this year were seniors(or grads that are fixing to graduate again).
[random thought: this was definitely on sunday night. see, jonathan monk told me that next year to split the teams up, it’ll be freshmen and seniors vs sophomores and juniors. so i was trying to think who the south would lose, and i realized that for a lot of our team, this was their last year playing. then later that night, me and allison were talking about people coming and going, and how fast time goes, and stuff like that…yeah, i guess this actually wasn’t a random dream at all.]
so i laid in my bed for a while, thought some more, and decided: either i need to quit getting attached to all these upperclassmen that are about to leave and just pretend they’re already gone so i won’t miss them when they really are gone, or, i do the smarter thing and get as much as possible out of the time they’ll be here, since they’re awesome people and i don’t have them for 2 more years like i do everyone else.
and then i fell back to sleep, and forgot about it until now, when i need more sleep.