stories about life and God

thank you God for orange juice.

[written january 27th 2010. freshman year at charleston southern]
it’s a kind of out there metaphor, but it works for me.
don’t worry, i’ll explain my, um, unique way of seeing things, further down. i’ll get there.
as of this morning, i’m not going to guatemala. God very abruptly closed that door, and i was upset about it this morning, but now i understand. and it’s the most perfect thing He could have done for me.
i didn’t know why exactly. i thought, i can see why He’d want me TO go(which i assumed He did but didn’t give half enough thought to), but why would He NOT want me to? how is it such a bad thing? it wasn’t, but it turns out it wasn’t the best thing either.
i asked God why a million times, but didn’t listen too hard for an answer. as usual, He decided to speak through music, since i listen so much more closely to that than to His voice.
one of the things i love best about cru, is that almost every week there will be one repeated line from a song that we end up singing for five minutes straight. tonight it was like it was just for me. one short little song, over and over, for half of forever. but i could have sung the words for an hour.

And I’m madly in love with you
And I’m madly in love with you
And I’m madly in love with you
And I’m madly in love with you

Let what we do in here
Fill the streets out there
Let us dance for You
Let us dance for You

All of my life
And nothing less
I offer to You, my Righteousness

the longer i sung the words, and the more i said “i’m madly in love with you” it hit me. i AM madly in love with Him. that should have been my whole motivation for wanting to go on this trip in the first place. i want that love to spill out of me wherever He puts me. as much as i want that to be in another country, it isn’t right now. but that doesn’t mean i can sit here and sulk about it. i can serve Him right here. and i think He wants me to learn to do that, before i go off across the world to do it.
going to guatemala would have been a good thing, but the best thing is for me to learn to be content serving where i am.
and back to the orange juice metaphor. earlier today i was trying for like 10 minutes to open this bottle of orange juice. after much frustration i discover, i’ve been turning the cap the wrong way all this time. i laughed at myself like i do, but remembering it now while thinking what to title this post, it actually makes sense.
in the same way, i’ve been trying to re-find God the wrong way. for years, instead of 10 minutes. i’ve always heard how no one ever comes back the same when they go on foreign missions. i thought i had to go to some different, far off place to find God. so naturally i jumped at the chance to be able to do that. but He said no, so that i would learn that He’s right here, patiently working on me, waiting for me to notice. and always has been.(how many times have i learned this lesson?) this time i’m not letting myself forget. i’ll need people to remind me now and then, but to add to the long list of realizations i’ve made today, is that i have people like that here if i look hard enough. i’ve been lazy the past semester. this time around i’m promising myself to look harder.
i think i have the “cap” on my life off for now. the right way. and i couldn’t be happier.
(don’t you just love how my mind works? admit it, you’d laugh a lot less if i was missing from your life.)

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