stories about memories

"that was so long ago."

i was trying to remember ridge haven ’08 the other day. i realized how fuzzy my memory is now. i have all the really general details, but i can’t remember any specific conversations or much of what we did.
and then i started thinking of other things that are like that now.

1. in the case of my first ridge haven, of course i remember being there, and how it rained or at least was clouded over the entire time until sunday when the sun was out and it was perfect(it would be the morning that we left that it would be nice), and sardines on saturday night(i like that i can laugh now at the reason why i remember that particular game). i remember who i spent the most time with(that makes me sad now) and how i had the car that everyone was jealous of(and it’s still my favorite group of all time: beth driving, with aaron healey, jonathan, josh z, melanie, shane and me). but i can’t remember what we talked about. except my hate for beef jerky. and that was the day i started learning how to solve a rubik’s cube.
mostly i just remember loving every minute of it. and that makes me happy, even if i don’t remember any of those minutes.

2. my first time at camp is the worst memory ever only because it frustrates me to death that i remember basically nothing about it. all i know for positive is that it was june 2003, i was in cabin 12, i forgot to bring a camera so i have no pictures from it, and my cabin leader was short and had brown hair and was really mean(i forget her name. i am 90% sure that heather smith was my unit leader though, and i remember meeting lucy, because no one can really forget her). i went by myself that year and the next year i brought my best friend at the time(we were no longer best friends after that week. i went alone every year after that because of it). i’m pretty sure i did adventure rec, because i only remember doing ARC once and i know i’ve never done anything but those two. i forget the missionaries and my cabinmates names, and what free times i did. there’s only one thing i remember every detail of.
it was wednesday night and the OLS girls had gotten sent back because it was storming. everybody finally went to sleep and then around 2 am, the girl who was sleeping in the cit bed went to the bathroom, and she comes running out screaming, flips on the light and screams and cries that there’s a spider. the cabin leader comes out and she’s yelling that we’re gonna be cleaning the unit building during pool time if we don’t hush and go to bed right now. the crying girl says real quiet like “but there’s a spider?” and the cabin leader turns and grabs the first shoe she sees, stomps into the bathroom, we hear one quick BANG like she smashed it real quick, then she comes back out and goes back in her room without even looking at us. and i remember the other girls looking terrified and getting back in their beds without making a sound(i think they thought she was serious about the unit building thing) while i shoved my face over my pillow so i could die laughing.
i guess the rest of the week wasn’t particularly amazing if that’s all that stands out to me.

3. my first year working should still be clear in my head. june 2nd will make three years since my first day, and three years is practically yesterday. but most of it is a blur.
i remember feeling so young. we haven’t had any 16 year olds since that year, even though we’ve had a good many rising 12th graders, but i’ve always been young for my grade. with the other younger ones we’ve had, and even the others my same grade who worked in ’08, no one cared about their age. mine made things hard.
and i remember the staff being the most important thing to me. if i didn’t have their approval(and from 90% of them, i didn’t), then i felt like i wasn’t doing my job. the campers loved me even though i was little, but it wasn’t enough. now when i’m always preaching at everybody about focusing on the campers and not the staff, i wish someone had been there to tell me that.
i remember it feeling like it lasted forever. every year it feels like a long time, but that was the longest. when you have other summers to compare it to, it’s not such a long time. back then, even a week felt like a long time.
i remember the worst birthday i’ve ever had  having a terrible birthday(my 18th was actually my worst) looking back, it was really stupid for me to let that ruin my day, but all bad things seem worse when they happen on your birthday.
i remember sitting in cabin 8 and hearing God call me to csu.
i remember the drama. no worse than any other drama, but i was young and innocent. i didn’t know the staff was that cruel to each other. now i’m able to totally ignore it and focus on my girls(it’s such a normal part of camp that i got numb to it, everyone does after a while), but it was just such a shock to my still-a-camper-on-the-inside, baby self.
and most of all i remember july 6th; it’s one of the worst days of my life. the day God took away my life jacket and threw me in the deep end. but everyone knows what happened so i won’t repeat the story. i don’t like to talk about it anyways.
wow. that really makes it sound like a horrible summer, but it really wasn’t. it’s just kinda sad that my only really vivid memories are bad ones.
i’m pretty sure i have the most selective memory i’ve ever heard of. i remember names, numbers, colors, and bad things that happen. but western civ terms, where i set my keys/phone/backpack, and details of really good things all fall through the cracks.
is it self involved of me to say i fascinate myself? because i seriously wish there were two of me so i could use myself as a case study for something.


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