stories about nothing and everything

guatemala, soccer, the best job that doesn’t exist, adele, and the weather.

1. i was laying in bed last night and i couldn’t stop thinking about how bad i want to go to another country. guatemala has been the dream for awhile, but anywhere where it’s warm and i could hug orphans and play soccer all day would be fine with me. america’s killing itself anyways and half my friends will be missionaries far away in a couple years, so what’s the point of staying here?
ok. i’m half kidding. i hate bugs, i’m the pickiest eater you’ll ever meet, and they’d have to knock me out to get me on a plane. i could never survive for more than a few days. but i want a taste of another culture. i want to see God in a different way. and i want to serve other people for a while instead of being served.
just a thought.
2. i always like surprising myself, and being as accidentally random as i am, i do it a lot. but if you had told me a year ago that i would not only be on a soccer team, but begging people to play every chance i can, i would have sworn you were talking about someone else. i’ve never ever been a soccer fan. it’s the third worst sport ever besides tennis and golf. everyone who’s heard that i’m on a team now says something along the lines of “but don’t you hate soccer?” which is true, but i can’t hate things i’ve never tried. plus i like to do things that scare me; and doing things i suck at, with half of ciu watching, scares the crap out of me.
but everything changed. i’m not scared anymore. and while i’m still not that good, it’s just so much fun. (plus i’m getting better. which is even more fun.)
and none of that is the best part. i really just love being part of something. my team is like yet another family. and i love it, as much as i feel like the annoying little sister that wants to play with the big kids but only gets to watch. i have [almost] just as much fun sitting on[or pacing in front of] the bench encouraging everybody else. since it’s 6v6, i’m never by myself there anyways. it’s not like dance where i’m the only one on the side watching everyone do what i love.
lastly: my coach’s wife told me that my name in swahili means “protector”. even besides my being a goalie, that fits me so perfectly, and i laughed like i do when i have sudden realizations of great truth..(i like it better than the spanish definition)
3. the only thing i liked about ciu 101 was taking the strength finders quiz. i figured i knew myself well enough to figure out which ones i would have, but one did surprise me: what the heck is a developer, anyways? well, it turns out to be one of my favorite things in the world. it’s someone who sees other people’s strengths/talents/what have you, and helps them get better at them and figure out how to use them or what job to do so that they can utilize them best. and even though i had never thought of it, i really love to do that. i’m always pointing out things people are good at, i’m pretty good at guessing people’s majors, and i like imagining what kind of job somebody would be good at.
i wish i could sit in an office and write all day, while helping people figure out what they’re good at. actually i’d rather not have an office, unless it was outside or i got a different one every day. i get bored way too easily.
4. “i had hoped you’d see my face, and that you’d be reminded that, for me, it isn’t over. never mind, i’ll find someone like you. i wish nothing but the best for you two. don’t forget me; i think i remember you saying, ‘sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.'”
“i won’t let you close enough to hurt me, i won’t ask you to just desert me. i can’t give you what you think you gave me; it’s time to say goodbye to turning tables.”
“as hard as you try, i will not be knocked down.”
“old friend, why are you so shy? ain’t like you to hold back or hide from life.”
“regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?”
“when will i see you again? you left with no goodbye; not a single word was said.”
5. this weather makes me think of summer, and that stresses me out. if you know anything about me, you know that i don’t stress easily, at all. i just go on with life. but not in this case. i’m not scared, and i’m not even sad[yet]. but i do get headaches when i think about it.
don’t ask. just pray.

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