rambles on ciu sports

8 and 9: hold onto that feeling.

(tradition requires us to listen to don’t stop believing when we drive down the boulevard after a game. and so my favorite line in the song seemed fitting for my last-post-of-the-season title.)
the blue part is about tonight’s game.
the red is about the season in general.
the green is my shout outs to any of our fans, and a few specific people.
so if you don’t want the full extent of my rambling, pick what you most wanted to hear about and read that color.
ps, whoever’s camera has the pictures we took between the two games, please facebook them!

people are raising their expectations, go on and feed em, this is your moment, no hesitations.
coach reminds us all the time that we would be unstoppable if we would jump right to being awesome and not wait until we needed to make an epic comeback. not that we don’t make them, but he would rather them not be necessary.
on the one night we needed it the most, plus the day we had more people who came out to see us than ever, we finally figured it out.
tonight was the best two games we’ve played all season. it’s like everyone just suddenly clicked and suddenly i understood everything coach has been telling us, because it was all happening. we were amazing.
and for the first time that i’ve ever admitted it, i was good. coach was right the whole time. we had this conversation one day in practice. he asks me(remember to imagine the accent)”why are you so afraid?” and i told him i had too many things to remember(sam had taught me a lot of new stuff that day that made sense in my head but i couldn’t do them yet). so he says, “do not think. do not be scared. you know how to play. so play!”
and so i played tonight. the good goalie deep in the back of my head never got scared away once. (i’m actually starting to wonder if that and me are the same thing)maybe there is something to this whole “just be confident” deal after all.
and when we won, and we did our thank-the-fans run for the last time, i considered it a little hug from God that i was able to do a cartwheel even with my finger.

for the first time in such a long, long time, i know i’ll be okay.
this whole season was just one big surprise. it’s kind of a funny story how i ended up deciding to play, but it also makes me sound really pathetic, so i’ll make you come ask about it instead. but anyways. i didn’t expect to like it much, or be good at it, or to learn much non-soccer-related from it. but i did. all three. God took my “i wanna be special, so i need to be part of something big” attitude and turned it into a “wow, i get to encourage people when i’m not playing and be a light to these crazy 30 year-olds while i am, thanks God” one pretty unexpectedly. i got so used to sitting on the bench and having fun there that i almost didn’t want to play tonight. (well, ok, that’s a lie. i wanted more than anything to play this time since it was my last chance, but being on the side in this game was more fun than being on the side in any other game)
i didn’t have a clue in the world what i was getting into. but honestly, it was exactly what i needed.
i’m okay again because of soccer. there’s a sentence i never thought i’d say.

i’m not in it to win it; i’m in it for you.
to our most wonderful, hilarious, ever-loyal and supportive fans who love us whether we win or lose: you’re the reason i wanted to play in the first place, and still my favorite thing about being a part of this. thank you for being so awesome every single week, for making me feel un-invisible, for so nicely ignoring my breakdown in game 5 and still telling me afterwards that i did great, for making such a big deal over the tiniest little good things i did, and for making it much more fun to spend 90% of the season on the bench.
to sam and justin: thank you. thank you. thank you. like 19 more times. you guys honestly taught me everything. sam, thanks for being the best superfan ever, and justin, thanks for teaching me that i’ve been playing for 25 years. ;]
to coach paul: you’ve done so much for all of us and i’m SO thankful that i got to have you as my coach. thank you so much for letting me play, always encouraging me, and reminding me to smile(haha).
it seems i’m getting closure somehow
a flicker of peace that i’ve finally found
thank you for believing in me now
cuz i do need it. 


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