stories about camp

everything is okay.

i miss school. i miss my roommates, i miss my teachers, i miss learning, i miss homework, i miss running every day, i miss my room.
but i’m not there yet. i’m still at camp. and i’m happy about that, but i’m not used to missing anything there. no part of me ever looks forward to leaving. i’ve actually said things along the lines of “rrrrrr i miss jamie, can we just fast forward the rest of summer?” more than once. joking of course. i love camp. i want to be here. but it’ll be weird to not be totally broken when i have to leave again.
this is probably how most people feel about camp. maybe this is normal and healthy. and i’m not normal and healthy about many things…but i can get used to anything.
i’m realizing that it’s okay to feel okay about not being here every single second. if i go a day or two without thinking about it, it won’t mean that i love it any less. it just means i finally have other places that feel like home.
which is still weird. but it is okay.
i’ve been telling myself that a lot. or more like, God has been telling me that a lot. or trying. it took five wasted weeks for me to finally hear but…it’s okay.
it’s okay that i don’t have answers for everybody.
it’s okay that i’ve been here four years and have no desire to be a unit leader.
it’s okay that i’ve been here four years and don’t feel like i know anything more than i did when i was sixteen.
it’s okay that i get tired sometimes.
it’s okay if i ask for help now and then.
it’s okay that i can’t always give my campers everything they need.
it’s okay that my campers don’t always love me.
it’s okay if not everyone on staff loves me.
it’s okay if sometimes i actually want to be out of camp.
it’s even okay if sometimes i wonder why God has me here.
(now a lot of this, i only know in my head. most of them haven’t sunk down to my heart yet, but at least i know that God wants me to believe them)
but none of this is okay if i’m not focused on God through it all.
and i am. finally.
i still don’t understand so many things. i pray for answers every night until my head hurts. the only thing i’m sure of, is that i’m obeying and God is working. and if i focus on that, instead of the fact that i have no idea what’s going on, then i’m okay.

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i like too much music.

i don’t like favorites. with anything. my favorite food, color, song and sonic drink changes by the day. i don’t like the term ”best friend”(aside from leighanne, but that isn’t because i felt obligated to choose one, that is just an honest fact of life), and other than dashboard confessional i will never have a clear favorite band.
but any band or artist that i like usually falls into a clear section of five. like, my top five switch places a lot, but are always within those five, and my 6-10th favorites switch around but are always somewhere in that area. and some of these groups may move higher or lower in my favorites, like say, my top 11-15 may one day be my top 6-10.
so i’m making a comprehensive list of 60, in 12 groups of five.
  
i changed my mind in the middle of attempting this, it’s too hard. instead i’m making a list of 100, that i like at all, and if it has stars around it or is capitalized or both, that just means i love it way more than most.

~*DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL*~ 
*LIFEHOUSE*
TAYLOR SWIFT
the postal service
owl city
the avett brothers
the lonely island
JOSHUA RADIN
JACK JOHNSON
*REGINA SPEKTOR*
BROOKE FRASER
INGRID MICHAELSON
ADELE
*the strokes*
the smashing pumpkins
all-american rejects
switchfoot
*DC TALK*
MATTHEW WEST
mumford and sons
HILLSONG
audio adrenaline
barlowgirl
timmy curran
BON IVER
vanessa carlton 
jars of clay
chris rice
emergency pizza party
LADY GAGA
five for fighting
jimmy eat world
*HAWK NELSON*
the moldy peaches
chris tomlin
*rascal flatts*
leeland
michael w smith
miranda lambert
gary allan
tim mcgraw
U2
*WEEZER*
*SOMETHING CORPORATE*
*RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS*
fun.
shane and shane
chase coy
plain white t’s
oasis
boys like girls
nevershoutnever!
vampire weekend
kate micucci
a fine frenzy
casting crowns
MEIKO
melanie safka
*TRAIN*
SNOW PATROL
the script
kris allen
thom yorke
muse
TOBYMAC
~*TENTH AVENUE NORTH*~
sidewalk prophets
coldplay
THE FRAY
thousand foot krutch
the newsboys[in their old days]
PARAMORE
MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA
linkin park
new found glory
frightened rabbit
dave barnes
goo goo dolls
avril lavigne
SARA BAREILLES
*MGMT*
SUGARLAND
shania twain
brad paisley
WE THE KINGS
phil wickham
weird al
bethany dillon
killers
RELIENT K
kutless
colbie caillat
mercyme
starfield
this providence
*JASON MRAZ*
brandon heath
*CADY GROVES*
matchbox 20
delirious?
stellar kart
sequoyah prep school