stories about nothing and everything

well doctor, it’s like this.

i guess, looking back, it shouldn’t surprise me that doctors think i’m so funny. even though i was serious at the time.
1. my heart’s going REALLY fast and i kinda feel like passing out. so am i gonna die, or can you just give me a pill or something and fix it?
2. yeah, a soccer ball hit it and cracked it backwards. yes i KNOW that, but i’m a GOALIE, it’s my JOB to touch the ball with my hands. so, can i still play soccer? cuz i’m gonna do it anyways, so you may as well say i can so i can do it with a happier conscience.
3. i feel like i’ve been run over by a truck. my throat hurts and  my head feels like it weighs twelve pounds, and my eyes feel like someone shoved em way back in their sockets, and i’ve been coughing like a chain smoker for a week. what do you mean just pick one and write it? which one makes them call me in faster?
4. [what do you know about white blood cells?] well, too many means you have leukemia. but i don’t reckon that’s the problem.

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