stories about memories

what i remember about halloween.

passing out candy and gospel tracts when i was little, since we weren’t allowed to go trick or treating.
going to see the nightmare before christmas in 3D with daniel.
sneaking away from the harvest party to go trick or treating for the first time in our lives senior year with leighanne in sketch city. although, when no one answers the door, it doesn’t quite count…but we let it.
that was also the year i dressed up like the joker.
my roommate and all her slut friends crowding up in my room(while i’m studying for a psychology midterm), dressing up exactly like they do in mean girls. (note: this is of course at csu.)

i really only like this day for candy corn pumpkins. =]

stories about nothing and everything

____is calling and i must go.

i’ve seen t-shirts that say “the mountains are calling and i must go.”
i’m a beach person. mountains are cold and lonely and isolated and have no cell service and i get SO carsick riding up them. all this to say, i laugh at those shirts.
i don’t know what is calling me. i just want to GO.
i haven’t been anywhere. i’m getting started though: i’ve been to six flags. well, one of them. i plan on hitting the other three someday. but i’ve never been further west than tenessee, or further north than southern pennsylvania. i’ve been as far east and south without leaving america, if that counts for anything(then again, i haven’t been too deep into florida).
but there is SO much that i haven’t seen. i want to go to all the big cities. new york, chicago, LA, vegas, boston, and probably more. i may talk like i’m from the country, but i love love LOVE big cities with pretty lights and transportation that i don’t need to drive myself and big bridges and lots and lots of people everywhere. i’d love to live someplace where i can walk everywhere, order chinese at 3 am, or find good pizza on every corner.
i love the idea of being invisible. i mean, i already am, but this is a different, nicer kind of invisible. see, invisibility is normal and acceptable in new york; no one knows each other. you could talk to a different person on a subway every day and never see them again. no one pretends to know you day after day while making no effort to actually know you. you don’t have to worry about whether you’ll mean anything to anyone you meet. no disappointments. no hurt. just me and Jesus.
but we’re talking about traveling.
i want to go somewhere in texas too, just to say i’ve been there. i feel like i’d love it there. they have perfect weather and much thicker accents than mine.
and that’s just in america. i don’t have a lot of details about where else i need to go; my sister has been everywhere out there, so i figure i can cover all the bases in america before she does. then i’ll get around to the rest of the world.
no one on the food network ever talks about places to eat in south carolina; they’re always in new york, california, or chicago. half the reason i want to go places is because alex guarnaschelli or bobby flay or someone has pointed out an amazing sounding restaurant there.
but for now, the only place i’m going is my bed. i’ll get started on real places when spring break comes around.

stories about memories

daylight savings.

weird things make me miss the good days of youth group.
for instance. just now i was googling when we set the clocks back, and it’s the first weekend of november.
the farm retreat used to be the first weekend of november.
we would always try to keep talking until 2 am, so that we could claim it as 1 am, and the adults wouldn’t say we needed to go to sleep.
i LOVE farm retreats. i love ridge haven too, but i’ve been there more. i miss the farm. plus it was almost always warm there since we went in the fall(aside from that one year when we were playing sardines, and lynette and elizabeth and melanie were hiding, and we were looking for EVER and it was freezing, so we finally all went inside and got hot chocolate and left them outside), and i hate how cold it is at ridge haven.

it still makes my heart hurt a little bit every time one of those stories drops in my head. but as with everything, i’m getting used to it. i’m getting back to where happy memories are the first ones to come to mind(although “back to” doesn’t quite count…it used to be that i had only happy ones).

i’m pretty sure i’ve never been happier than i was my last two years of high school. ever. a couple of times come close(camp 2010, my first few weeks at ciu, and the day after my 20th birthday), but i’m not counting on ever matching them.

i have a box with youth group memories in it. on sunday nights i would take out a little card and write down what i wanted to remember that happened at church and put it in there. i can’t remember if i had a planned time to open it when i was first starting it up. i wasn’t purposely making a time capsule or anything; i think i was just too lazy to journal.
but now i’ve decided that when i get to the point where i can think about that church without getting angry or sad and just remember the best years of my life that i had there, i’ll look in it that day. because good memories with sucky ones hovering on the edges are just as bad as sucky memories with good ones around the edges. i figure when the sucky ones don’t hurt anymore, i’ll enjoy the good ones better.



this is a trending topic on twitter right now. first i thought it sounded stupid, but then i started naming off my top ten like that and laughed for like a whole minute. (i’m also watching glee, so jamie and alex didn’t think i was too crazy)

1. the crackers’ bride
2. million dollar crackers
3. slumdog crackers
4. gone crackers gone
5. the dark crackers
6. crackers
7. the crackers
8. crackers in the air
9. finding crackers
10. crazy, stupid, crackers.

stories about nothing and everything · stories about school

i like my job.(not another camp rant)

why working in the caf is such a super blessing, despite how much i complain about it:
it’s easy.
i don’t have to be able to drive to get there.
depending on which job i’m doing, i can people-watch a lot.
sometimes i get to study at the same time.
i work with fun people.
it gets me a lot of free meals.
it’s usually at least kind of fun.
and it’s just enough money to where i have a teeny bit more than i need but don’t have tons of extra to waste on shoes.
i have an okay deal.
thanks God. =]

stories about camp

on not settling.

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” 

don’t worry, steve jobs. i found it when i was sixteen. and i’m still there.

stories about life and God

slow as christmas.

if you know me, you know i don’t like to wait. for my easy mac to cook, in the lines for roller coasters, and most definitely for surprises(which is why i like real surprises better; the kind where you have no idea it’s coming, you know).
but worst of all is waiting on God.
well, in a way, it’s the best of all, since if i do it right, i’m never disappointed. anything else can possibly be not as good as i want or expect(and i tend to build things up in my mind a LOT so that happens pretty often), but God? well he VERY rarely gives me what i expect, but it’s always something better. only, of course, if i wait for it. if i rush ahead, do my own thing, and then run back to ask God to fix the mess i’ve made with it, and he does it…it’s never as good as what would have been if i had just given him control in the first place.
when you’re waiting on christmas, it can be a letdown; when you’re waiting in God, it has a 99% possibility of turning out beyond-your-wildest-dreams awesome.
so right now, i’m waiting…but i’m not patiently waiting. i try, but it’s so HARD. and sometimes i feel like God is doing the deal that my mom would use when she sent me to my room as a kid: every time i ask, it means i have to wait longer.
it’ll be okay. he has great plans. i trust him.

just a thought.

confounding of variables.

when i study for an exam, i always take the technical sounding definitions and put them in my own words when i make flashcards.
this is what i have for the above mentioned.
“when someone has contradictory symptoms, or a symptoms from so many disorders that it’s hard to tell which one the person really has.”
yep, that’s me.
as i’ve said before: the only reason i would wish to not be myself, would be so that i could do a case study on myself. cuz i am a fascinating person. being myself, i just automatically have myself figured out, so i don’t get the challenge that everyone else gets to have of figuring me out.
that probably makes me sound really self involved. but i’d rather study everyone else, so that balances things out.
just a thought.

just a thought.

let it go, let it go.

i don’t know you, and you don’t know me; let it go, let it go.

that song is on the soundtrack to funny people. (why i have that album, i’m not sure) alphabetically, the band comes after the civil wars in my itunes list, so it just played one day, and i turned out to like it.
i like it a lot actually. think of it as a message to all fake people everywhere.