million dollar baby.
new books, campfires, coconut lime, and rain.
shepherd’s pie and flory’s peach cobbler.
a baseball hitting a metal bat, a soccer ball hitting my hands, or tap shoes on a stage.
purple and blue.
getting up early, not because i have to, but when i actually feel rested.
dropping ice cubes on cement, punting a soccer ball over and over, or running.
slumdog millionaire, pirates of the caribbean 3, star wars, juno, or finding nemo.
talking with a big group of people i love, about real things.
camp la vida, ridge haven, beth’s living room, my bed, or fripp island.
million dollar baby.
(anytime i look at my stats and see pageviews today: 0, pageviews yesterday, 0, i have the most overwhelming urge to write something.
but i usually can’t think of anything.
i can today.)
there are some things that can only be understood by camp staffers. things only we laugh at, things only we cry about.
sometimes just spilling out camp stories to anyone who will listen is enough to make the missing-ness go away, but then sometimes you just HAVE to see or talk to someone who went through it with you. the phrase “you had to be there” is such an understatement.
being part of something special makes you special;
for instance: we use the same kind of cups at school that we do at camp. just like the ones at camp, they are VERY difficult to pull apart when you stack them. but unlike at camp, no one tells anyone to not stack them; they actually store them stacked up in a big basket. anyways, whenever someone sends a big stack of cups into the dishpit when i’m working, i always want to make some kind of comment on what flory would say if she had to unstack all those, but of course no one i work with would understand.
i love and hate camp for the same reason: it’s mine. it’s separate from all my friends at home. love it because that makes it special, hate it because i’m so rarely around the people who i shared it with.
a few days ago, hope and kathleen and jenna all started flooding my facebook with links from campconfessions.tumblr.com. i hadn’t meant to come home until thanksgiving break, but i had to check it out and ciu blocked tumblr, so i caved. i’ve been on it for an hour copying pictures from it and it is the best blog i have ever read.
through it i found two other blogs(also on tumblr. seriously ciu! 99% of us are NOT using it for porn, stop making us suffer!) like it. and i forget that there are other camps out there. they are also full of people who love what they do, and those people also miss it.
i feel so crazy for missing my camp so much all the time, hate how attached i am, complain about how i wish i was one of those “normal” counselors who goes to camp, loves their time there, then leaves and goes about with life just fine until the next summer.
but now i see that for us, thinking of camp everywhere IS normal. it’s a relief to see i’m not the only one.
TRUTH. i got my mickey mouse towel from camp.(only i was a camper; someone had left it the week before and my cabin leader let me have it) and we all love hope’s wizards of waverly place one.
i do bruise easier than a rotting peach…but i also don’t shower very often(AT CAMP we’re talking). it’s harder to tell than you would think.
i just really love that this is number 15, since my birthday is on the 15th, of july, and it’s something like christmas.
we ALL know what i’m thinking of for us la vida people…
i beg to differ; the experienced, in-the-know people carry bug spray everywhere. though actually i usually forget about it or don’t have the time to use it.
i don’t have a tumblr because my tyrannical school blocked it, but my blogger name did come from camp.(well the linder did. the ciu is obviously my school, and the 13 is when i’ll graduate)
see the dirt and bruises one. me and kathleen know all about this.
correction: lights out is when the girls are done with showers(which is rarely much before actual lights out anyways). unless you’re all having fun, nobody’s homesick, nobody’s killing each other, nobody’s annoying you; then you get to have fun when showers are over. you might even stay up a liiiiitle bit past lights out…but i’ve only ever done that with two groups. it’s pretty rare that you love a whole group so much that you don’t want them to go to bed.
we all know it’s true. the annoying ones are usually the ones who think they’re the awesome ones; the awesome ones usually think they’re somewhere in between; and the somewhere in betweens usually don’t think about what anyone thinks of them.
my opinion since 7th grade.
can, and do.
this is why i hate going home on weekends.
why i can take acteens in small doses.
oh yes. i say “everyone should be able to walk as fast as me, or as slow as me.” the little ones always look at me funny when i say that; the older ones laugh.
the staff reunion is the happiest time of the year for me, aside from the actual summer.
if you could see us on weekends…
if my campers ever sing the moose song, it’s never because i taught it to them.
that is how i am with just about everybody i meet. if i’ve met you, i probably like you.
when i meet new people at camp, i make this known to them loud and clear in whatever fashion i feel like at the moment.
when i meet new people in the real world, i’m half crippled with the fear that they won’t be half that excited about me; so i sit quietly, pretend i don’t care, and in general leave everybody alone.
i don’t know why.
i do LOVE that picture though. that dog is my favorite.
disclaimer just to start with: i actually love this song. i’m not going all holier-than-thou on katy perry or anything, i was just watching glee and they sang that song, and that’s what sparked this whole chain of thought.
the biggest of a whole lot of reasons why i never want to get drunk, up there with God not being a fan and alcohol just being gross: you don’t get to remember things.
if you glance over any of the rest of the things that i’ve written, you figure out pretty quick that i LOVE to remember. there’s no point in a “good time” if it can’t become a good memory. it scares me when people tell me that something happened and i don’t remember it.
i’m still mad that i’ve actually been to new york because i was four and i have absolutely no memory of it. and my first time at camp is such a blur it gives me a headache to think about it. the idea of having a whole string of new york’s and camp 2003’s doesn’t sound good to me.
so as much fun as it may be at the time, why would you voluntarily put yourself into a state where you won’t remember what you did later, plus killing off your brain so you can’t live as long, so you’re basically wasting your current life and cutting off your later life? i don’t ever want to know what that feels like.
just a thought.
all time meaning, of course, from june 2008 to now.
5. “we have a problem in cabin 10…it’s regarding the tooth fairy.”
4. when we watched a walk to remember, and cindy cried.
3. the time that a mother came to la vida, wanting to pick up her child who was actually over at white oak.
2. the squirrel in cabin 9.
1. me and jenna and brittany and my bed…
i love everything about the ciu bowl. i’ve been counting down to this since february.
i love being part of something.
i love that we go to such a small school that every single person on campus gets so excited about this one game.
i love that so many alumni want to come back and play.
and i love that no matter who wins, everybody is so happy for each other and has so much fun.(yeah yeah, i know i’ve never been on the losing side. but did you see how crazy i went when allison got that touchdown? imagine how happy i’d be if they got to win!)
i talk a good game. i say i play to either win, or do something that people remember me for. but i forget both of those when the actual game comes. when i see all the things we did over and over in practice til we were ready to cry suddenly working, and everybody’s cheering for everybody else, and dr beyer is making everybody laugh, i can’t think about anything but just playing, and all that together is just so, much, FUN that it’s impossible to get mad at anybody or care who wins. it’s like there’s enough positive energy in the air that it could cure cancer and it’s the BEST feeling. ever.
and in a way, i feel like we’re all just acting. we step in this time warp that makes 48 minutes go by in a heartbeat, put on big tough scary football player faces, and we play the game. we’re in character. no pain you cause your roommate or best friend matters; you’re playing your part.
but the second it’s over, we’re us again. everybody’s hugging each other and everybody’s happy, winners and losers alike. and i look around, and notice who i was playing against(i never remember during the game, i just see a blur of people and know not to let any of them near the quarterback), and just laugh. because a)i don’t usually spend much time in real life visualizing how to knock courtney bennett off her feet, 2)who KNEW all these girls that i see every day could play such good football? and mostly, 3)because i didn’t see a single girl on the north not cheering for us when we won. without even a second thought, every one of them came running and hugging us.
i felt really stupid at first after the big deal i made about having to win, and now i kinda wish we had lost just to see if i really would have gotten upset, or if i would have been excited for my friends on the other team who practiced just as much as we did and also wanted to win. but i feel like it would have been the second.
yeah, i’m super competitive. winning does make me happy. but seeing how much my ciu family loves each other makes me happier.
one last thought: i know i opened with saying i loved everything about this, but i lied. i HATE how short it has to be…i mean, i’m playing, and everything’s going so fast, and i just don’t have TIME to process everything and remember it. just three more minutes per quarter, all we’re asking here.
now i feel like the day after christmas. but it’s so worth it. =]
4 years ago yesterday we left on what was my first youth retreat.
and that thing that we stayed up until 2 am twice…(after we set the clocks back)
i miss every single person in that room ^^^. and the boys who were down in the basement sleeping, even though they’re losers. =]
1. joan of arcadia was a good show. i’m watching it while i wait until i get tired or scared enough to go upstairs and get in my bed. i was only twelve when it was new, but when my mom wouldn’t be paying attention(my dad would let me watch anything as long as i didn’t pick up any new words, or figure out how babies were made) i’d watch bits and pieces.
2. web MD does not work. i know because “not being able to keep the days of the week straight” is not an available symptom. it has to correlate with my never being able to sleep, being much more scared of everything than usual, and always being freezing cold, right?
i can’t wait to take abnormal psych.
3. i’ve depended way too much on ciu’s always keeping classes at the same time every spring or every fall, what have you. they kinda messed up my plan. so, i’ll end up 3 credits short of being a legit senior at the end of the year, but i can deal with that. i still have the annoying extra semester any way you slice it, plus this way i’m not killing myself quite so much as i am this semester.
4. i am probably the only person in the world who can go to bed at 6:30 and wake up at 8 the next morning still feeling exhausted. (but that’s still better than not being able to sleep at 2 am when you have to get up in a little over 4 hours)