stories about life and God · stories about school

an unmistakable calling.

as most of anything i’ve written lately begins with: today in counseling youth and families…(can you guess which class is my favorite this semester? or of my whole life?)
well, a pre-topic from what the title is talking about, we always have ice breaker questions at the beginning of class.
1. describe your family’s origin. (too many people with too many problems.)
2. what did you worry about in high school? (how i looked, being perfect, and in general making everyone happy regardless of how i felt about it.)
3. what are you afraid of today?(honestly, the dark. but in class i said being alone, which is also true but i’d rather be alone in the light than with people in the dark)
4. i am most happy/content when____ (i need to stop lying in class. well, partial truth-ing. i said when i’m outside, but specifically it would be camp.)

anyways.
we talked about what an effective counselor is like. olshine said you had to have an “unmistakable calling.” i immediately thought of camp and wondered about that unmistakable part. i’ve mistaken it a LOT. always wondering whether i’m supposed to be there. at least one day out of every summer where i just don’t want to be there.
but he went on to explain what unmistakable meant.
he said it’s something you’re afraid to do but do anyways. something you don’t always want to do but can’t get away from it. something you love and can’t always explain.
and as soon as he started talking about not getting away from it, i stopped worrying. and got really excited for the summer instead.
every year except for 2009, i’ve had at least one moment, fleeting or lasting for weeks, where i convince myself that God “has another plan for this year”.(it was quick and premature this year; it actually came and went in september) i don’t know why; i love that place. it’s my home. but something in me just gets bored around the same time every year and gets me looking into other things to do with my summer. (in 2010 i actually honestly wanted to stay home and get some normal person job. not even working at another camp, or a daycare, or some other deal working with kids, just waitressing or something. yeah, i don’t know what i was thinking either) sometimes i get so excited about them that i apply for them; then at just the right moment, here comes God, with the same plan he’s had since i was thirteen, slamming that new door in my face and shoving me in the one that says “camp la vida” on it. at first i get pouty with him and complain, offer up stupid excuses, and in general just act like a three year old for a while. but by early may, i remember how awesome la vida is, get excited again and end up having an amazing summer.
unmistakable. no other possible way. i was called to camp.

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