way back in the middle of my first semester at ciu, i remember talking about love languages with some random group i was sitting with at lunch. i accidentally said that mine were “physical time and quality touch.” i meant physical touch and quality time, in that order, but really i think the other things describe me better.
the way they described them at camp is whatever fills your “love tank”. in other words, you know how all dogs have some spot that they really like to have scratched? your love language is whatever hits that spot for you.
my love tank needs touch in any form, and undivided attention. but i almost can’t have one without the other.
i like physical time. by that i mean it’s not quality time unless we’re in the same room within five feet of each other. i hate talking on the phone, and i don’t even like skype much better. i need real live face time, and i don’t mean on an iphone.
i guess this could also describe how i like it if people spend a long time hugging me, or how i could snuggle for the whole length of a movie without ever thinking “okay, i need my bubble now.” people could spend all day in my bubble and i’d be as happy as a mosquito in a blood bank.
quality touch just means that it’s the thought that counts. there are some people who hug me and my skin crawls, and there are others who can give me a simple high five and i’m happy for the next hour. it’s all in what you mean by it.
the littlest nice touch means something if i know that you’re really trying to love me. if you know what i need and you’re giving it to me as best as you’re able to, that means just as much as if you gave me a ten second hug. when people who are totally not huggers know that i’m a big one, and so give me occasional hugs solely to make sure that i know they love me, it’s twice as meaningful as someone who gives me an empty hug every day out of habit or because they too need their daily quota of hugs.
favorite example of this:
three years ago at camp there was a girl on staff who was the least touchy-feely person i’ve ever met, both physically or emotionally. think the opposite of every part of my personality. but she was still a wonderful person and i loved her.
anyways. i came into the canteen one day and i was having a really bad week. when i was done with my campers and the other cabin leaders had gone out, she told me i didn’t look as happy as usual. i said i didn’t like my job that day. and she looks around, probably checking to make sure no one was watching, then really hesitantly walks over to me, and from an arm’s length away pats me on the head a few times. then she goes right back to what she was doing and says, without even looking at me, “i think you’ll be fine.” it took me a second to register what had just happened; then when i did i went running and tackle hugged her…and she yelled and threatened to take away my slushie.
other people had tried to cheer me up that day; most had given me hugs. but anna’s attempt worked better than anyone’s, because she was going out of her comfort zone just because she knew what i needed and wanted me to feel better.
all this to say: it’s okay if you aren’t a hugger. give me anything close to it(hand hugs, high fives, a pat on the shoulder from as far away as you feel like), and i’ll be perfectly happy. and skyping is not the same thing as visiting me.