the more i think about going back to school, the more times i do introduce-yourself games with my girls and say “i’m going into sixteenth grade…okay i’ll be a senior in college,” the more people who ask me what i’m doing when i graduate, i feel more and more like i’m walking out of a bright, happy room into a dark, scary hole.
this is one of those posts where i get defensive of my relationship to camp. if you aren’t a fan of those(i doubt many people are…i whine a LOT and i say the same thing in every one), you can skip this and read about much more important and exciting things here.
i was arguing with God the other day after i had a conversation with one of the missionaries about how i wish i could work at camp the rest of my life. telling him there HAS to be a way for life after graduation to include camp. because i don’t understand how it can’t.
camp is not just a fun summer job, a chance to make friends, or an excuse to be away from home for a couple months.
i love camp with a bat junk crazy passion.
this past semester in my foundations of youth ministry class, i had to write a paper about my passion. we watched a video where this guy talked all about how to find out what that is.
a passion isn’t just something you love. true passion is something from God. it’s his way of showing you the work he’s planned for you to do for him.
in a nutshell, this is how to find yours:
-ask yourself, what can’t you stand?
think of things that get your heart moving. is it people overseas who don’t have Bibles? is it teenagers in gangs? homeless people? something like that.
i can think of a few things. most people can. but to find out which one is your passion, you move to the next step.
-of the things you can’t stand, which do you feel a personal need to change?
personal example. i hurt for orphans in other countries, but when i hear about them, my first thought isn’t to drop everything and hop on a plane. i wish that all those people on the little remote islands had Bibles in their language, but i don’t feel like i need to change my major to biblical languages and go be a translator.
but. you start talking about girls in america who aren’t loved, don’t know how precious they are, have no understanding of who they are to God, and i get slam angry. i can’t let that be true. i HAVE to do something about it. i can’t stand it.
that is what they called in the video a “holy discontent.” that is an itch that God put in your heart and he wants you to scratch it.
at camp, i get paid to pour God’s love into little girls’ hearts all day long. i get to share life with them and make God real to them. i have a chance to take all the lies the world tells them about themselves, and show them what God says about them. i want to get them excited about knowing Jesus, getting in his word, sharing him with others.
nothing in the world gets me more excited than the work i do at camp.
and if that was ever taken away from me, i’d never be the same.
if God has anything else for me to do for him someday, i know it’ll be just as fulfilling as camp has been; it only makes sense that whatever God’s will is would be the best thing. but no matter what i end up doing, a little piece of my heart will always belong to camp, and i’ll miss that little piece no matter how happy i am anywhere else.
but for now, he has me at camp. and i’m perfectly content. i don’t feel any part of me being called to anything else. however. i don’t have much longer in school. soon i’ll need something to do between summers, and that’s getting me anxious.
unlike other cases of senioritis, i’m not at all worried about being done with school. but i’m terrified of being done with camp.
because i’m bracing myself for the moment when God says that i’m done with camp.