stories about nothing and everything

peace.

there are some things that just make everything okay.
making lists happens to be one of them. so i’m making a list of things that make it seem like all is right with the world. things that i get ridiculously stressed out when my life doesn’t include enough of them.

1. list making.
i feel productive when i’m writing out things i need to do, places i want to go, people i miss, or sometimes i even make lists of lists i need to make. seeing on paper what needs to be done makes them seem twice as manageable. anything can make sense if you can fit it into a list.

2. running.
i do hate running in a lot of ways. but it’s the healthiest way to deal with life that i know of.
when you have an ice cream headache, you’re supposed to pinch your bottom lip really hard until the headache goes away. it makes your brain focus on that pain instead of the pain in your head.
freshman year, and last fall, when i was losing it so bad, i took that physical pain theory and applied it to life. in some very bad ways.
then last semester after our first soccer game, i was so mad that i went running. i ran and ran until exhaustion drowned out everything else. i ran until i physically couldn’t, and i just fell on the ground and listened to the silence. and i was okay.
i started doing that after every game. i’d run until i could barely breathe and my heart felt like exploding, then i’d lay in the grass and look at the stars and God would talk to me. i’d be too tired to do anything but listen.
so now anytime i need to not think, i run. and when i’m focused only on the sound of my footsteps and the struggle to breathe, the stabbing pain starts to move from my figurative heart to my physical heart. my thoughts fall out of my head with every mile. and everything else seems simple.

3. writing.
i don’t understand my feelings until i see them. in words, i mean. i have no idea who said it, but i love this quote:
“thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through our fingertips.”
even if i’m not having a bad day, writing is the best feeling.
but i have about three hundred and two posts about that already, so i won’t repeat myself.

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