rest and contentment.

i was such a happy extrovert yesterday. i’ve been alone so much the past few weeks, and been too busy to complain about it, that i’d forgotten how much i need(and of course want) to be with people.
it was one of those days where everything was literally perfect, and even the little things that would usually annoy me just a little bit didn’t. everything i planned to do was even better than i’d expected, and totally spontaneous fun happened in between all of it. i wasn’t anxious or tired or sad or angry for a single minute.

since camp ended, i’ve been so restless. that’s the best word i can think of to sum up everything i’ve felt. for almost every hour of the past three weeks, no matter where i am or what i’m doing, i felt like i’m not supposed to be there. i never have any idea what else i’m supposed to be doing, but my brain is convinced that i’m missing something big. which is exhausting to say the least…then when i finally get in bed at night, i can’t sleep.
but yesterday was the first full day that i’ve felt content. i spent almost every minute of it around people and i felt completely wanted, never invisible. i didn’t do any homework, but didn’t feel any need to beat myself up for it. i ate at cookout without feeling like i needed to skip four meals or run nine miles.

then as i was going to sleep and noticed that my glow in the dark stars on my ceiling were actually glowing(they haven’t been), i just laid there, laughed out loud, and thanked God for all the tiny, individually insignificant blessings that added up to such a hugely blessed day.

i think i’ve been waiting for a big thing for too long. watching for some major, sudden switch to flip in my life and make me feel better. but i forgot that God prefers to work with little pieces. he doesn’t sell me a whole car at once; he lets me watch him build it one part at a time, and i never realize what he’s doing until he finishes.

but the best part is getting to see where he’ll drive me in it. i can’t wait for the rest of this semester. =]


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