Day 13: I dropped all my spoons

Have you ever heard of the spoon theory?
I hadn’t either until I read Furiously Happy. Which everyone should read.
I’m terrible at explaining it, so if you have no idea what I mean, read this: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Done? Good.
Yesterday was a surprisingly awful day.
Sometimes you can carefully plan how to use your spoons, and then life keeps bumping into you and causing you to drop one here and there.
Finally you have one spoon left, and you use it to go and do something that usually helps you grow two or three more. But you get there and there’s a fully unexpected change and *clank* your last spoon falls right out of your hand. You have to stay there for two hours though…so you take a deep breath, and with everything in you, you summon up a few of tomorrow’s spoons. Because you’ll die otherwise.

So, I went into today with fewer spoons than normal, which made today a moderately terrible day too. But less so, because after work, I didn’t have to see people. I got to come home and put on my fluffiest pajama pants and my oversized Red Sox hoodie, hide behind my earphones and read my books.

My main point is: I’m not going to write today. I can’t handle another thing that I have to do. I also didn’t go for my two mile walk today, and I’m not going to put my laundry away or spend fifteen minutes decluttering my room. I’m not doing any of the healthy things I was trying to turn into habits because I just can’t today. I could keep borrowing spoons from the next day and do that for weeks, or I could admit that I’m not okay right now and need to reset my brain. Then tomorrow will most likely be a better day.

Writing never used to require spoons; it actually used to be a way to make more. But I’ve also rarely been this depressed. I’ll be fine soon as always, I just can’t do things today.

Time to read more Jenny Lawson while watching New Girl.

Also, vanilla Sprite is the best thing that comes out of a Coke Freestyle machine. All this time at Moe’s and I only just discovered this today.


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