As much as I love Tyler Knott and Allie Brosh and Jenny Lawson and Brene Brown and Ann Voskamp…I’ll never write like them.
I’ve tried. And I can make myself sound like them, but I want to sound like me.
I use the word “y’all”. I write in long, run-on sentences with very few commas. I interrupt myself with questions and I answer myself four thoughts later.
Because that is how I talk.
When you read what I write, you’re supposed to feel like I’m sitting across from you, eating my cereal and talking to you. You shouldn’t feel like I’m forcing my thoughts to sound like a better writer is reading my ideas to you in their own words.
I never like anything I write when I write it with the mindset of “What will people like reading?” Most of the papers I wrote in college, I’d tear up if I reread them. They’re all in a box under the desk that I never sit at because my room is too far away from all the people in the house, and I wanna be where the people are. I’m Ariel with legs. And no singing voice. And blondish brown hair instead of read. Ok I’m not Ariel, I’m just an extrovert.
Writing because I love to write and want to write and so I just WRITE something…that kind of writing always results in a piece that I’ll reread in three years and hug myself for. And if anyone read it, I think they’d like it too.
I’m looking forward to a week from now when I won’t be writing because I have to.
I’m glad I set myself to this little challenge, because as much as I’ve hated feeling obligated to write and half my posts have been no good at all, it’s reminded me of the huge part of me that I forgot over the past eight months: I love to write. I’m not me when I’m not writing. And God talks to me through my own words when I see them on a page or a screen. Maybe that’s why he’s felt so silent for so long, because I’ve been refusing to open up this vein that he so often uses to get to me.
This wasn’t supposed to be this long, but I still like it. It’s me on a page. It happened without me trying and it’ll probably be one of my favorites in a few years.