31 Days

Day 28: Warm weather will be back someday and so will my personality.

It’s so cold.
It got so cold so fast and it’s been so cold for so long and I can’t remember what it’s like to feel warm.
And the RAIN. Or worse, the clouds for days with no rain. There’s no point to clouds if they aren’t making it rain. If it’s raining, you know the clouds will eventually stop being clouds, because they’re made of rain. So how can the clouds stay for so long without raining? LET IT GO, CLOUDS.

It sort of sounds like I’m talking about depression, but for now I’m actually speaking in literal terms about this horrible joke of a South Carolina winter.
It was 80 degrees on Christmas. Then all of a sudden, around New Years Eve, it dropped to the 50s and then it was freezing every night. Three times I’ve been late for work because I was scraping ice off my car. If I wanted to need an ice scraper, I’d move to Michigan. We southerners are not used to this kind of winter. It doesn’t stay cold for this long. It’ll be cold for a week or so, then we’ll have a few days of slightly warmer, then it gets cold again.
But no, this winter, it’s been consistently cold for four weeks now. There was no transitional period to get used to it(I never get used to it…but the normal people around me have all complained about not having time to acclimate this year), the cold just happened.

It feels like it’ll never go away.
But it will, because that’s how science works. Even if it stays much colder for much longer than ever, the Earth will keep turning, and therefore it will, someday, be warm again.

I like to pretend depression works that way too, even though I don’t have any guarantee like I do with the weather. That’s why I said pretend.
I can’t remember what it was like to feel things, but I did once and I will again. It may be a really, really excruciatingly long time, but I will. If the weather can get warm again, I can feel alive again. I’ll turn it into a competition and try to beat the weather to it. Maybe the weather will respond to the challenge and try to warm up as soon as possible. That’s a game I wouldn’t mind losing.
I won’t get to find out unless I stay alive, so I’ll keep doing that. Living, I mean. I don’t want any of the two people(I don’t know them) possibly reading this to think it’s a 600 word suicidal cue.

This 31 day challenge would have been SO much more fun had I done it in a month when I couldn’t just write about being sick. It’s a good thing only four people have read any(and not all, or even a quarter) of these posts because they’re super dull if you don’t live inside my head.
It also would have been easier. When staying up late enough to watch Jimmy Fallon feels like a chore, how do you think I feel about writing? There are too many things I need to do in a day without adding writing to the list.

Okay, done. No more doing things today. I might not even hold out for Jimmy. But it’s Thursday, which means hashtags, which might make me laugh, and laughing makes me feel a little more human and less like the cute little white puff of existence on the Zoloft commercials.

PS, don’t look up the original Zoloft commercial on Youtube and read the comments section. People are mean.


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