I’ll write about this much more extensively someday.
Last June I thought I had God’s plan figured out. That plan would have had me on the road to Gainesville this morning.
And he kept trying to tell me over and over again that he had something better, but I kept shushing him, because this was what all my squadmates were doing and it was making them happy, so therefore it must be what I was supposed to be doing.
Except I had nothing but a deep sense of dread about the whole thing. I wasn’t looking forward to it and had no desire to tell anyone about it.
All of this is what led me to the Great Depression of 2015. From the end of August to the end of October.
But I don’t like admitting I’m wrong and I don’t like changing plans, and to get out of this emotional hell and back onto God’s track, I’d have to do both.
I gave in and did both those things in November. And suddenly, peace. Peace like I hadn’t felt since the beginning of May.
I thought everything would get easier right away.
But even in the midst of all the not happy stuff I’m sitting in right now…it’s where I’m supposed to be. God wants me at Midtown; I wanted community in Georgia, he gave me one in Lexington. God wants me working at Moe’s; I need to be humbled and reminded that everything is ministry and everything is important and everyone needs to be loved. God wants me living at home; my family is the ministry I neglect the most.
I use my hometown as a way to compartmentalize my life. I don’t think of it as a place where God can use me; it’s where I go back to tell people what he’s doing everywhere else, be it camp, or CIU, or another country. But he’s doing things here too, and as much as I sort of wish he was calling me someplace that sounds more impressive…I have a feeling he’ll be keeping me here until I see it as just as much a mission field as Ecuador.
And when I love Lexington in the same way as I love Ecuador(because I LOVE home, just for different reasons), that’s probably when he’ll send me somewhere brand new.
Until November I felt misery on top of misery. Now I feel misery on top of peace.
And that ends the most vague post I’ve ever written. I considered forgetting the whole thing, but it’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about today so I didn’t have anything else to write about. It’s just not a story I want to fully tell online yet, because I didn’t tell anybody about it in real life. Not that there are crowds of people reading this anyways. By which I mean more than two people.