Most of this post was written yesterday, but I mean all of it even more after what I found on my porch this morning…
Those are from my Lifegroup. Gifts are tied with physical touch for my love language and I’d never even told anyone that. They’re winners.
Today is Valentine’s Day and I’m not sad.
Because God has given me so, so, many people who love me, and it’s beautiful, and I love my life. Again, at last.
The night of October 1st, I was on the phone with my squad mentor from the World Race because I wanted my life to end and I needed someone to stop me.
That was the beginning of the end of a very bad season. A dark, angry, isolated season where perfectionism was killing me. Almost literally.
October 27th was the end. Of that season. Not my life. “Obviously.”(if you read that in Severus Snape’s voice, we’ll be very good friends)
You know how when the seasons on the calendar change, it isn’t like a switch flips and there’s suddenly a night and day(or in this case maybe I should say, summer and winter) difference from one season to the next? It’s the same with life. The end of October was like the first day of spring. The cold hadn’t gone away, but now it was obvious that one day it would.
Because that was the day God gave me a new family.
All of them are married and most of them are older than me. My one request when I signed up for a Lifegroup was “18-25 is a crazy age bracket to be in, so please try to not make me the only awkward in-between who isn’t in college or married.” I guess God watched me type that and laughed.
That first night, I was so worried about not being able to find Michael and Lauren’s house that I allowed myself way too much time and ended up being the first one there. And as one couple after another walked in, I asked God over and over “Why am I here, God what are you doing to me, I feel like I’ve wandered onto Noah’s ark without a buddy…” and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to laugh or cry because this situation was so hilariously opposite of what I thought I needed.
Thankfully God is smarter than me. Because I love these people, and they love me so well, and I’ve never once felt like a 21st wheel, and I have ten Jesus-filled marriages to watch and learn from now.
So if you’d asked me a year ago, when I was sitting on the floor of a mall in Cambodia eating ice cream with my team and laughing at how awkward we looked, what my life would look like the next Valentine’s Day…I wouldn’t have said, “I’ll probably have a bunch of married friends and still be as single as can be.” And even if I had, I definitely wouldn’t have said I’d be happy about it.
But I’m SO happy. God gave me everything I needed when I wasn’t even looking for it. This isn’t me saying “I’m a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man and I will be SO. MAD. if I meet my future husband anytime soon.” Simply that God is so good to me and it stands to reason that the rest of his plan is probably just that perfect too, and I’m more excited for that than anything else I’ve wished for myself.
Last February was full of growth and rejoicing and healing. This one is turning out beautifully similar. God is just as present in South Carolina as he is in Phnom Penh.