I have a wise and wonderful friend who every year, starting at age 26, would write a blog post about being X years old and single. (links at the end if you want to check them out; she’s so great)
Maybe it’ll just be a thing now for me to write about singleness every year in June, because after spending half the month slowly working on these new thoughts, I realized that the first post I wrote about it was published on June 30th.
Church family is a beautiful thing, and if you have it, you have enough.
Because it’s not good to be alone, and I don’t believe that God meant “not married” when he said “alone.”
You need people. People who know you and let you know them, people you can confess your junk with, people who make you love Jesus more, people to celebrate with.
And God can give you all that whether or not he ever has marriage in the plan. It looks really different, but it’s still all there.
I came home from staff retreat earlier this month and almost immediately sat down to start writing this, because there’s always at least one point on any Midtown trip where I’m hit with all that God’s given me in singleness, and I say “Okay Jesus, if I could keep this family forever, I could maybe be single forever.” I’m sure I’ll take it back in ten years when there are even fewer single people my age, but dang. Here and now, life is good.
I’m surrounded by married couples who can teach me things, I’ve got tons of kids to love on and teach things to, and if my parents ever move really far away I know I’d have people to take me in on holidays.
I have great friends. Friends who know me, friends who call me out when I need it, friends who will listen when I’m not as thankful for my life as I should be, and some who are all of the above. In a month I’ll have a friend who lives with me.
I’m not alone. And I’m thankful.
But. Just to make sure that no single friends read this and get the idea that I have this perfectly figured out and can’t relate to them anymore, here’s a deeply honest story.
A few weeks ago I went on a walk with one of my married friends, and I asked her what was the best and the hardest thing about marriage; it’s my favorite question and no one ever answers it the same, and all single people should try it.
After she answered, she asked, “What’s the best and the hardest thing about singleness?” which no one had ever asked me before.
The best thing is that I have all the time and freedom in the world to drop everything and go places at a moment’s notice, and the hardest is driving home from church alone.
That sounds so simple, but that’s really what it boils down to. The smaller and less important things. God has given me everything I need and my life and heart are wonderfully full. And. Because I still have a very human heart, I still want little things, like getting in my car on Sundays and having someone to talk to. A friend I don’t have to say “see you Wednesday” to.
As much as my current season is a good gift, and I’m genuinely even more content than I was when I first wrote about that, I also haven’t stopped wanting to be married.
And that’s the newest thing I’ve become okay with in the past year: it’s okay to want marriage, because God came up with it, because he thinks it’s awesome, and it’s another good gift. Not an upgrade; just a different kind of good.
Go be happy-sad about it. God gets it.
And go get yourself a family. It’s not easy and may take six years(hopefully for you, it’ll be quicker than that) but it’s the best and most worth it thing.
PS, here are my dear Hope’s thoughts on being single at 25, 26, 27, 28, and 29. Then she got engaged at 30 and now she’s married. She’s one of the most put-together people I know, so if God kept her single until she was THIRTY-ONE then there’s hope for all of us.