SOCB's · stories about nothing and everything · stories about school

if you put a scared-of-the-dark-insomniac in a single room…their whole hall will smell like burnt plastic.

if you put linda in a single room, she will be unable to sleep in the dark.

if linda is unable to sleep in the dark, she will sleep with the lights on.

if linda sleeps with the lights on, she will be unable to fall fully asleep.

if linda is unable to ever fall totally asleep, she will google “how to fall asleep.”

if linda googles “how to fall asleep,” she will find that she needs a dark room.

if linda needs a dark room, she will try to make her room as dark as possible without cutting off the lights.

if linda tries to make her room as dark as possible without cutting off the lights, she will wrap her movable-flower-petal lamp up as tight as she can with a white t-shirt.

if linda wraps her lamp in a t-shirt, the heat from the lightbulb will all get trapped inside.

if the heat from the lightbulb gets trapped inside, the plastic flower petal shell around it will melt.

if the plastic flower petal shell melts, it will make the whole hall smell like burnt plastic.

and so, that is why if you put linda in a single room, her whole hall will smell like burnt plastic.

to put it simply: i am scared of the dark. i mean legitimately, cripplingly terrified. if the lights are off and i’m alone, i start to have a panic attack.
but i also have insomnia, so good sleep is a rare but necessary thing for me. apparently it’s really really bad for my sleep patterns if i sleep with lights on. like, even having a digital clock in sight can mess me up. i never knew that had anything to do with my waking up constantly throughout the night, since i’ve always thought i was one of those people who light doesn’t bother, but after reading about it, it explains a lot.
so last night i decided to make the best of both worlds: i’d make my lamp dimmer by covering it up. that way i still wouldn’t be in the dark, but the light also couldn’t get to me and wake me up.
what i hadn’t considered was the fact that lights get hot when you leave them on all night, and that heat needs to go somewhere. when it doesn’t have anywhere to go, it’ll just bounce around and burn whatever is around it.

well i wake up this morning to this awful burning smell. i automatically assumed that something was wrong with my heater, so i cut that off.

it wasn’t until i was unwrapping my shirt from the lamp that i found the problem.

so not only is my cute lamp ruined(well, two of the five petals; the switch lets you have either two, three or five on at a time), but my cross country shirt has burnt plastic fused into its fabric.

thankfully i’m sleep-deprived enough to find all of this hilarious. =]

SOCB's · stories about nothing and everything

thoughts for this rainy monday morning.

1. it’s RAINING!!!!! some people think rain is depressing or at least puts a slight damper on their mood, or it makes them sleepy and unproductive. i do see their point, but i also think it’s just like how some people like chocolate and i don’t. i LOVE rain. it looks and sounds so beautiful and it smells good and while it helps me sleep at night, it doesn’t make me drag during the day. it keeps me alert because i want to watch it.
and today i’m going to play in it because…

2. MY ANKLE IS BETTER!!!!!!!!!! i can already tell i’m not going to be focused in any of my classes today because i’m too excited about getting to run later. i’ve gone absolutely stir crazy this week. i know exercise experts would qualify my 30 minutes a day biking in the gym as “physical activity”, but i don’t. the only thing dumber than running is running/biking and not going anywhere. i don’t want to stare at a wall, i want to see trees and cars and people go by. and dang it i want some fresh air. the smell of the gym is doing things to my head.

3. i’m currently sitting in the library, warm and dry, watching the rain out the window, and laughing at all the people running out of their classes screaming(i wasn’t the only one totally not expecting rain), and it’s the funniest thing. as i say to my campers, it’s just water falling out the sky; you won’t melt if it hits you.

4. to function properly, i need two things: motion and company.
i normally associate people with my emotional sanity and exercise to my physical sanity. i get lonely and restless without either of them. but it turns out they both relate to both things.
i already ranted in another post about how important people are to my physical energy. but sort of oppositely, i discovered this week how much i need physical activity for my brain to work right.
all last week, i was in the worst mood. i was understandably frustrated having to watch my friends run while i sit on a bike and watch boy meets world, but i didn’t get why everything was pissing off and/or making me cry.

i got progressively crankier until finally on thursday when i started blowing up at people, i decided to google it. i thought, yes running makes me happy, but the lack of it can’t be making THIS big of a difference in my mood? right?

oh also i wasn’t hungry all week. i’d go to the caf and get food just because that’s what normal people do, then i’d sit down, take two bites and just not want to eat anymore.
so. i did a little research and found that if your body is used to getting lots of vigorous exercise(i.e running 5-7 miles a day for weeks), then you abruptly stop that routine, your hormones can get screwed up. possible results? irritable mood, loss of appetite, fatigue…and others but they didn’t apply to me.
so yeah…i need to be with people to wake up, and i need to run to focus and be happy and calm.

5. i’m so looking forward to this easy week of school. i only have three days of classes because tuesday is a prayer day, and friday starts FALL BREAK!!!! my goal is to take all this excited energy and throw it into studying so i can do all my homework for the week tonight. but as i tend to do, i’ll probably just run a few extra miles instead.

6. my computer charger fell off my loft and broke, so until wednesday or thursday when my new one comes in, i’m stuck using the laptops in the library…which is good because i’ll either stay in my room where i have no computer and therefore nothing to do but work, or camp out in the library where there are people.
7. i did an experiment one day at camp and counted how many hugs i got. on that particular day, i got 124 but i thought that wasn’t fair because not only did i have the most precious campers in the world that week who wanted to hug me several times an hour anyways, i also thought of the idea at the breakfast table and said it out loud, so my girls spread the word and soon the whole camp knew that i was counting, so everybody came and hugged me all the time and asked what the count was.
so i counted secretly another day a few weeks later and got 48.
last week i wondered how many i get in a day at school. so i counted, and that day i got zero, so i extended the experiment to the whole week. i got five. in three days, because on two days i got none.
i’m so lonely. but in keeping with my post on perspective, at least i have friends somewhere, even if they aren’t with me now.
SOCB's · stories about nothing and everything · stories about school

philosophy, please go away.

-i do not like the original version of “bruised” by jack’s mannequin. i think it’s because i heard the acoustic version first, and listened to it for years before discovering that any other version existed.
-which came first, something corporate or jack’s mannequin? i can never keep that straight.
-i am a big something corporate fan. i heard them first, have all their albums, know most of their songs and like them better.
-but i just downloaded more jack’s mannequin, because i’ve liked everything i’ve heard by them(read: like three songs). it probably deserves a chance.
-i first discovered “bruised” on my friend meghan’s myspace. in 2007ish. when project playlist was the thing to have. that was a really really long time ago…
-it has 42 plays on my itunes. but it’s really more than that because all my music got wiped freshman year, and before that i had spent a lot of hours listening to it on repeat…
-i tend to be obsessive when i find a song i like.
-the number one on my top 25 most played in my itunes has 145 plays. the first 90 or so were in a week’s time. not kidding.
-unlike the other 24 songs, i am still not tired of that one.
-i just decided i can’t tell the difference between the two bands. except that i know all the something corporate ones…but did i not know that jack’s mannequin existed, and you played one of their songs, i would be shocked and wonder how something corporate had a song i had never heard.
-as sick as i am of postmodernism…i really do need to finish reading about it now.

rambles on ciu sports · SOCB's · stories about nothing and everything

a soccer-related stream of consciousness.

1. when people constantly refer to me as “keeper” i always wonder if they’re trying to sound all soccer-smart, or if they just can’t remember my name. ;]
2. grass+sweat+dirt=possibly my favorite smell in the world. any one of them by themselves isn’t good at all(except for grass. i like that), but all together makes me so so happy. but it may not beat campfires.
3. we have our first game in 8 days!!!!!!!! last year it took us five weeks just to get that scrimmage versus pfeiffer and coker(where it was freezing cold and raining all day, i played for nine minutes, we got slaughtered in both games, and then we went to that chinese place and elizabeth got lost, and it was the best day ever), and like two months before the season started. i’m scared…but so excited. we’re gonna have fans again!!
4. i’m the only goalie now…and while i LOVE getting to play all the time and never having to take turns with anyone…i don’t like not having a safety net. if you’ve seen me play, you know how i operate: the first goal sets the stage for the whole game. if i block it, i’ll be ok. if i let it in, i lose it. from then on i will let them ALL in. and the more i miss the worse i get. so i’m scared to not have anyone to clean up my mess.
5. i do feel like i’m doing way better this year though. goalie-wise at least. that happens whenever i’m around people who haven’t seen me play before. not sure why…i guess i’m not afraid of them. they don’t have any expectations of how i’ll play, whereas everyone else just expects me to usually suck and be really entertainingly excited when i accidentally make a save. with new people, i just play, and i’m good.
turnover isn’t always such a bad thing.
6. regan and jessie and paulina, I MISS YOU GUYS! we really need yall…and you wouldn’t have to feel half as bad for me anymore cuz i can block your shots now. =]
7. i miss coach paul…our new coach is great and all, and i’m excited about him(he was a GOALIE. i finally have someone who knows how to train me!) but just like when old camp staffers leave, it’s just not the same.


pure joy, part two.

1. jumping/running/throwing yourself in the mud, all for the sake of catching a ball coming at your face.
2. hermeneutics.
3. pasta night.(i can’t believe i never tried it until this semester. who knew something that amazing could come out of the caf?)
4. being sore and exhausted. (a sick kind of joy that i can’t really explain…but i do feel really accomplished right now. maybe that’s it.)
5. doing scary new things. (i’ve heard that’s healthy.)
6. ciu.
7. feeling encouraged.
8. being part of something.
9. peanut butter straight from the jar.
10. the feeling of never wanting to go home.(it means i’m loving it here more than usual when i feel like that)
11. kenyan accents.(they always sound happy.)


holy crap. it’s been over a week since i wrote anything, period?

nothing meaningful comes to mind, so, another of these.

1. i have never been this mentally checked out. even in the last few weeks of classes at csu i was more with it than this. i am sick of homework. and early mornings. and tests to study for. and cafeteria food. and people on the hall when i’m trying to sleep.(seriously. i LOVE my hall. to death. but if i hear one more loud voice at midnight, i might just open my door and scream until everyone shuts up.) i hate that i only get 8 days in my christmasy house.

2. i am SO excited to see my camp staff again! 19 days until i get 24 hours with some of my favorite people in the world. i’ve missed them so much more than other summers.

3. i will be living longer because of go check it out.

4. i’ve been posting a whole bunch of those in my facebook statuses, so actually…see my next post.


on south carolina, chick fil a, homeschoolers, the aristocats and youth ministry majors.

1. i love south carolina. i love bipolar weather, piggly wiggly, waffle house, guys that open doors for girls, fried oreos, southern accents and camp la vida. why would anyone live anywhere else?
2. chick fil a lemonade is heaven in liquid form. my record is 3 large refills. and really, no one else has a cow with spelling issues for a mascot, or gives you a free chicken sandwich if you get a large fry and a large drink. or sells you chicken for breakfast. basically it just wins. sorry leighanne. ;]
3. the best compliment i ever get is when someone is shocked to hear that i was homeschooled. and i was, my entire life. but somehow, i’m not as screwed up by it as i thought i was, because i always get good reactions when people find out. i appreciate it.
and actually, one reason i was less than excited about coming here was “i don’t WANT to go to a school with nothing but homeschoolers and mk’s”. but none of the homeschoolers i’ve met here seem like they were. there’s hardly any that i’ve thought, oh, i should have guessed that. it’s good to know there are so many others that turned out okay like me.
4. i was never a disney princess kid. all my favorite disney movies were the ones about animals that talked to each other but the humans have no clue. lady and the tramp is my alltime favorite, but 101 dalmatians is way up there, and last night i found the aristocats on youtube, so i’m watching that right now. it’s so sadly underrated.
5. i love when i get mistaken for a youth ministry major. not that i don’t like being seen as the psychology major type, but i know that it means they think i’m the fun and crazy type, not the quiet and observant(but still cool) type.
but i really do fit the psych type better. i love people and i love to think. i love figuring out how other people think, why they think how they think, and how that makes them act why they act, and helping them understand all the how’s and why’s.
youth min is more like my camp self. loud, fun, crazy, uninhibited, 12 on the inside. which on my best days here, i still am. but for the most part, i don’t know how to be that way in the real world. just at camp. for a while i had thought of double majoring, since this year i’d felt more connected to the older campers than most summers, and especially with everything going on at church, i’d thought maybe God was trying to tell me something. part of me still wonders if that’s what i should be doing, but i think i can do both with just a psych degree anyways, if i do decide that later. and plus, psych is just too much fun to quit.

6. i’ve decided that i just kind of float through life on a big red balloon. usually i’m going along in a happy blue sky, but then when i hit a rain cloud, it takes a while for me to find my way out. and i don’t like to let people know that i’m in there, which only makes the cloud worse. but once i get out, i’m back to myself and it’s like i’d never seen the scary dark clouds before. then i end up hitting another one, and that one is even worse because i get mad for not knowing how to avoid the clouds, and i wonder why i can never remember how to get out since i’ve been in them before. then the cycle starts again.
that’s my favorite thing about here. it’s 99% blue sky.


last minute thoughts before bed…

1. my dodgeball team consists of some of the awesomest people i know, you guys are SO much fun. (and winning all the time adds to it a little ;] )
2. if “absolutely most simple things possible” were a love language, it would be mine. if i get three hugs in one day, i’ll be smiling for the rest of the week. i get one compliment in football practice and decide i love this game(this had best last for a while, i like having fun with this). i get five minutes with someone i haven’t seen in weeks, and suddenly i don’t miss them anymore.
ok, so i’m still a fan of touch, but still. my point(which i’ve lost, cuz let’s face it it’s late and i ran nonstop all night) was that being as tired as i am, i’m making myself laugh with how easy it is to make me happy.
3. why do they always put nuts in oatmeal cookies around here?
4. this was a good, good, good good day. 
5. ciu LOL is gonna be a challenge to stay awake in. time for sleep.


so this is what going off 4 hours of sleep results in.

(i’d done so well with the not procrastinating thing all semester, then i forget two things and have to read all night. but at least some entertaining revelations came from it)

1. i prefer scrapbooking to taking pictures to put in them.
2. i buy cute picture frames all the time but can never decide what to put in them. if i ever give you one as a present, it’s most likely because i can’t decide how to use it for myself.
3. my camera will be 3 years old on sunday. the first time i used him was at the fair with shane and leighanne, and i don’t remember where i got the name harvey. then again, i don’t know where most of my random electronics’ names came from.(my phone is charlie, my old ghetto computer’s name was patrick charles[and it’s monitor’s name was marge{he was a desktop, see}], my laptop’s name is carl, my ipod’s name is frank, my purple flash drive’s name is victor, my black flash drive is frank jr(he held all my music when frank was messed up, so i called him jr), and my desk lamp’s name is luther.
4. harvey was the only good thing that came from babysitting satan’s daughter(i used eight paychecks to buy him, that woman paid me next to nothing for spending 4 hours a week protecting my life from her schizophrenic devil child).
5. i can get on facebook in less than 48 hours. as productive as i’ve been this week, i’m feeling extremely cut off from the world. but now i’ll probably be able to stand getting on for less than an hour a day and only after i’ve done a good amount of homework that day, which was the entire point of taking a break. and to prove to jamie that i could do it.
6. jamie is an awesome roommate.
7. and, then i fell asleep. now i’m awake, tired of writing, and wanting dinner.